Can you believe the nerve of my wife?

Oh my good golly gosh. One is positively outraged. This vile harridan should be tied to a cartwheel and flogged. Have you not impressed upon this harlot that she is there to be at your beck and call whatever the hour of day. I advise you to give this wilful floozy a severe beating with one of your old slippers and a copy of the guardian. Maybe an old magazine with the staples left in. Sit yourself down with a large port until you recover from the shock old man. Toodle pip old chap.